In the future we'll all be gay
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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