I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
