I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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