farters have to be the big spoon...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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