Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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