just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
