So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
