I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Be still, my beating vagina.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
