WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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