Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
