haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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