dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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