So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
