oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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