i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
