Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
