I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
