Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
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It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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