he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
