that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
