I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
