1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
