Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just high enough for therapy.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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