question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
