a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
last night I used snow as a chaser
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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