The brown eye won't let me do that either.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have aggressive nipples.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
