i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
