Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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