someone owes me an orgasm
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So apparently I’m into choking now
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
