Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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