You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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