put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
