the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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