the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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