I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
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Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
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Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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