she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
