Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I hate all girls vehemently.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
