you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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