and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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