Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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