k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
