why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Less talking, more tequila
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
