does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
