Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize