I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
