The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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