I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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