I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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