My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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