i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
