I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
