My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
