Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I fill condoms, not promises.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
