I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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