She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
