no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
