if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
