He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
