So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
