we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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