so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
