wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
