we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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