i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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